I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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