Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
