dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
