i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
