Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
