I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
