One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Randomize
