PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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