My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
