im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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