Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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