So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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