If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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