Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
