she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
