Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
