I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
