I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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