Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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