I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
