Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
