You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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