i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
