it wasn't lemon gatorade
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
