I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
