Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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