My Higher Power is John Stamos
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
