I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
