just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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