my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize