he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
