I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
