we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His hands were made for my vagina.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
