i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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