My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
