I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
