...so i touched it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
