I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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