I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
