She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you never un-have a 4some
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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