So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
