Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The feeling are messing with the penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
