Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
