Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize