3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have post one night stand depression
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