i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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