quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
