Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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