The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
