whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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