Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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