Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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