So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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