If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
