So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
