my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
