what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize