Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
