Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
