My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
