I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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