She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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