I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize