Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
