i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want a musical about memes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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