Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
