"it" just moved
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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