she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
