How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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