The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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