I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
