she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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