I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
