You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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