talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
