I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
