Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
