does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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