you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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