We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
