I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
