I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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