I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
