The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think your dad took our porno
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
