he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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