Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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