i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
