whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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