for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize