goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We have so much sex to catch up on
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
