I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
