i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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